Rules of Shopping at Grocery Outlet

A holiday bitchticle

Jody McAlister
4 min readNov 27, 2021


Photo by Justus Menke on Unsplash

Greetings, shoppers! Just a few helpful tips to help you fit in while shopping at your local Grocery Outlet.

  1. When parking at Grocery Outlet, the spaces are angled on purpose to make it look like you can only park in them from one direction- but don’t worry, you can park in them from either direction! The faded arrow is just a suggestion.
  2. Please back into spaces crooked. Going straight in is so passe these days, especially if you leave accidental room for me to get in and out of my car.
  3. Don’t park too far in the parking spot and be partially in the next spot ahead of you. Specifically, the one I’m trying to pull into that leaves the rear of my car 2 feet further out than I want it to be.
  4. Contrary to popular belief, taking two parking spots is actually more inclined to get you more scratches on your car. I shouldn’t have to explain that to you.
  5. When you’re inside and using a cart, make sure you keep it close and place it horizontally against refrigerator doors, vegetable displays and the cheese and meat areas. It gives me great pleasure to say excuse me at least three times a visit to get around your parked cart.
  6. When visiting a store that unfortunately has narrow aisles, please bring 5 family members to accompany you. Since 2 of the littlest will be in the next aisle running, that’s really only 3 plus you, making my trip difficult. Perhaps that adult who looks like they are in agony about having to shop with you could wait out front with most of them?
  7. When they have displays setup in the aisles that already intrude into the lane, be sure to park your cart exactly opposite the display and dead center to the rest of the aisle.
  8. Leaving your cart in front of any section while you browse 15 feet away doesn’t ease the traffic jams like you think. Especially when you walk back to your cart and then head down to the area you were just in.
  9. When in line and you are behind me with a cart, the fact that I moved up two steps because your cart is nipping at the back of my ankles doesn’t mean that space is 100% available for you to reclaim.
  10. If you don’t have a cart, pandemic or not, I…



Jody McAlister

Humorist(Self Titled) Entrepreneur and Flutter Developer. All around nifty dude.