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55 vs 25 : A Listicle of Realizations
My ass used to hold my shorts up
A listicle of realizations as I get older:
- I’m ready to call it a night before my 25-year-old self would have even left the house.
- The young girl waving at you is actually waving at the person behind you. Finally figured that one out.
- You forget things you just did.
- You forget things you just did
- Cat and Dog videos are probably the best thing on the internet and TV.
- Tums are a perfectly acceptable aphrodisiac before sex.
- Ear hairs can grow over an inch in one night. I know it wasn’t there the day before!
- Half my google searches are based on trying to figure out the slang words somebody used.
- Opening a jar can lead to a forearm cramp with no genuine effort.
10. When somebody offers to carry something for you, let them.
11. You stop on a radio station because one of your favorite songs is playing, only to discover it’s the oldies station.
12. Your favorite shows and movies have been rebooted 3 times. Only the names of the characters are the same.
13. You concentrate on not groaning when you stand up. There’s nothing you can do about the joint popping though.
14. Early morning are no longer the bane of your existence.
15. Walking out of a store results in a quick anxiety situation as you realize you have forgotten where you parked.
16. Conversations involve more body functions, including people talking about flatulence vs flotchulence. I’ll save you the google search, flotch’s are the wet ones.
17. Buying a bottle of wine results in an anticipatory rush of joy for the ID check, until they look at your face and and ring it up without asking.
18. Nutrition labels have become quite important. Makes all the difference between a near future without gas, with gas, with dry gas or the dreaded flotch.
19. You wake up hungover after 1 drink the night before. Or 0 drinks.
